← Home
Caput in Arena
Caput in Arena
The newspaper of record for the record that Harvard would prefer not exist
Caput in Arena

Office of Contributor Recruitment and Ideological Compatibility

A Division of the Bureau of Permanent Non-Resolution
TO:Prospective Contributors
FROM:The Editors, Caput in Arena
RE:Open Position: Contributing Writer, Unpaid, Indefinite Term
DATE:Spring 2026

We Are Looking For Writers

This is not a form. This is a genuine solicitation. The Committee is aware of the difference.

Caput in Arena is a satirical publication covering Harvard University and its affiliates. We document what institutions say, what they do, and the distance between the two. We do this with a straight face and a dark sense of humor.

We are looking for writers who share this orientation. The position is unpaid. The term is indefinite. Benefits include the satisfaction of having said something true in a format that makes people laugh, and a byline at a publication whose founding editorial meeting lasted approximately one conversation.

Required Qualifications
  • A sharp sense of humor that has caused at least one uncomfortable silence at a dinner party.
  • The ability to sustain deadpan for 800 words without breaking.
  • Familiarity with the difference between what institutions say and what they do.
  • The understanding that the joke is always funnier when it sounds real.
  • A working email address. Processing of applications submitted without one may take up to fourteen days.
Preferred Qualifications
  • Harvard affiliation, current or former. Not required. May be disqualifying depending on the piece.
  • Personal experience with institutional non-response.
  • Familiarity with Form DEI-7 (Grievance Registration, Non-Preferred Experience). Note: Form DEI-7 is no longer available. It remains required.
  • Awareness. Awareness is strongly preferred.
What We Publish
  • Satirical institutional documents: memos, determinations, committee findings, form letters.
  • Deadpan news coverage of things that actually happened and should not have.
  • Mock scholarship, including but not limited to peer-reviewed assessments of t-shirt catalogues.
  • Corrections. We publish corrections. We have standards.
What We Do Not Publish
  • Opinion pieces. We have no opinions. We have determinations.
  • Content that requires a disclaimer explaining that it is satire. If it requires a disclaimer, it is not funny enough.
  • Anything submitted via Form ACAD-12 (Notification of Intent to Submit), which must be filed no fewer than fourteen days prior to submission. Form ACAD-12(b) (Waiver of Prior Notification Requirement, Retroactive) must itself be filed no fewer than fourteen days in advance.
Application Process

Send a brief note and one writing sample to the address below. The sample need not be published work. It need not be long. It needs to be funny in the right way. We will know.

The Committee will review all applications. The Committee declines to say what happens after that.

Submit Applications To
editor@caputinarena.com
Processing time is fourteen days. The Committee considers this exemplary.